Flight announcements
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...”
“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
“Last one off the plane must clean it.”
From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!”
On arriving at London's Heathrow Airport, the pilot announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to report that we have arrived on time since, owing to a stroke of luck, we managed to find the airport at the first attempt."
A flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
“Thanks for flying with us today. We hope you enjoyed giving us your business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
“We have now reached our cruising altitude. Please feel free to move about the aircraft, but please stay inside the plane until we land. It’s a bit cold outside and if you walk on the wings if affects the flight pattern.”
Pilot asks before take-off if this is the first time flying for anyone to press the flight attendant button. When no one pressed the button he said “Good, then I’m the only one.”
Whilst waiting at the gate: “Sorry for the delay folks but the machine that breaks your luggage is broken. We’ll have you off the plane as soon as we get done breaking it by hand.”
Source: Inspire 21
