Airport personnel have seen some of the strangest things that passengers try to sneak through security.
One devoted drinker tried to smuggle a substantial amount of vodka onto a plane with him but security would have nothing of it. Instead of giving in to the imbiber’s imprecations, they took a hard line – or is that a hard tack line? Drink it or leave it behind, they said. Of course the furious tippler took them literally, downed his liquor with an almighty swig, and promptly expired from a heart attack. It’s not sure if he completed his journey in a box, in bulk hold.
Then there was the case of the lumber jack. “Can I take it through if I drain its fuel tank,” he asked. Security didn’t exactly shout “eureka” to this little proposed solution. Or “timber” for that matter.
Another passenger, perhaps somewhere in Albania, Mongolia or some such country, held on to what was described at the time as a “soothing flight buddy”. The companion in question? Well, the passenger looked his fine feathered friend in the eye and said he simply can’t fly without his “emotional support goose”.
Then there was the fishy incident – very fishy. This is what the security guard told his boss: “This guy rocks up with a suitcase looking really weird, all clumpy and, yeah, not looking right at all. So we asked him to open it up and the first thing we see is a hand. It was freaky but we immediately saw the hand looking a little weird, all plastic and shiny. Next thing we find out he’s travelling with a whole bag of mannequin things.” No law against travelling with your mannequin body part collection, they had to let him go.
And although it’s not known where these strange incidents took place, there was the case in Bangkok of a passenger who tried to slip through security, or slither rather, with a bag full of bottled fish. He heaved his luggage onto the scanner table and as it rolled through the scanner the security staff was immediately struck by what can only be described as a scaly smuggling incident.
As opposed to chancers, some passengers are quite frank about the items they’re carrying with them. One traveller for example asked security whether he could take a metal detector through the metal detector. They didn’t think it too funny, nor was the passenger flying on April fool’s day.
Then there was the “biggest bust” in Canadian history, anecdotally speaking. A rather large Italian chap with even larger luggage was stopped as his bags were too bulky to pass through the scanners. Opening his bags, security found a haberdashery size assimilation of linen. They asked the traveller why he hadn’t put it in the bulk hold - but then on closer inspection they found tens of thousands of dollars sewn in between the sheets. His bedding was different in the cell that night.
